She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
