i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she told me i tasted like america
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
