I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
