Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
