she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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