Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
