he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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