someone get that fucking seahorse.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
