All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She told me I should be a condom model.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
