Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
