the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
