Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
