I want you more than these girls want KFC
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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