he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
