There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
