hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
