I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
