grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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