You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I forget how to act sober
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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