I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
