i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
