five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
