shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
