Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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