you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
