I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
