God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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