I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The air taste purple.
Randomize
