i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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