If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
