omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
