Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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