I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
