they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
