You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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