She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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