I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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