A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
