Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
