Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
