i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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