what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
