i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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