We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
third nipple confirmed
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
