Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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