Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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