He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You need a sexual gate keeper
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
