That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
