Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
