Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
