I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
