there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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