yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
