I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
