shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
